The Treasure Isn't a Trophy

Shouldn't I Be Further Along?

Today I’m wrestling with the feeling of unworthiness or perhaps just unfulfilled expectations of myself. Why does it seem like other people set their sights on greatness and achieve it? While at times from a short-sighted view it looks like I’m just muddling about busy with little things. There just seems to be a cloud that sometimes hangs over me saying, “You really should be further along in this journey. You would have more influence with more notable accomplishments.” I know I’m not alone in wanting to live a great legacy but wondering if I have what it takes.

What Should the Process Look Like?

I do take some assurance from the fact that Moses spent 40 years in the desert muddling about with sheep and raising a family. He was being processed in obscurity for quite a while before God returned him to Egypt for a great task. I don’t know his thought process but I am aware of his immediate response to God. “But I can’t speak, I get tongue-tied.” I also find courage in the story of Abraham Lincoln who had several failed terms as a politician before succeeding as a lawyer. He later returned to politics because of his convictions. After winning the Republican primaries as the second favorite, he won the presidency.

One reason for being this vulnerable here is because, for one, it seems like not many people are. The other reason I’ll bring up later. We read books and blogs of people who struggled, past tense, but in the present, right now, they only report on the wisdom gained and the present victories. We know too well from how many celebrated Christian authors, pastors, evangelists, and conference speakers have recently been exposed for covering up major character deficiencies or plain evil. Evil hides in plain sight all along.

You could detect a disaster-bound leader by observing a lack of self-control, frequent fits of anger and rage, lack of accountability, blaming others, and being unteachable but gifted. I have heard your gifts will make room for you. It’s true and it’s not wrong. Gifts make a lane for you, but good character finishes the race. The world doesn’t need more gifted people right now as much as it needs more men of good character who will not buckle in the middle of the trial, people who will put their hand to the plow and not look back.

Why Do I Think I Need More to Offer?

I guess in this current struggle I will eventually surrender this too: my desire to be great. Besides, Jesus made it clear the greatest among you is the servant. It’s probably not a matter of changing my mind, trying to chase down and lasso those insecurities, fears, and pride. I have certainly tried that plenty, and surrendering to the Holy Spirit in prayer is a key ingredient in receiving daily bread.

I’ve noticed something though. Jesus went away to mourn the loss of John, who was beheaded by Herod, then he taught the crowd that pursued him, giving himself. Then he met their physical needs when he was probably exhausted. He fed the 5,000, a crowd of mostly Jews, 12 tribes, coming from all around for the Passover. He did it with only 5 loaves and 2 fish and a prayer of thanks to His heavenly Father. On another Passover, he broke bread with his 12 disciples as he prepared to feed the world with His own broken body.

Why do I think I should have more to offer God and others?

Jesus clearly understood and taught that it’s through brokenness that God feeds the crowds. A meek attitude isn’t an achievement, it is a result of God arriving in my admitted weakness when I call on him. However, it’s our nature to rely on mastery of talents and skills to build the Kingdom of God and deliver a message of hope. What pastor doesn’t wish for the preaching skills that would draw a bigger crowd? Even the pastor of 10,000 desires to be more effective. What kid doesn’t dream of having a superpower?

Am I Producing Anything at All?

The effectiveness of our human efforts cannot even be compared to the efficacy of God’s plans, power, and purpose. Efficacy is defined as the power of something to produce a desired result. The question is, do we have any power to produce the desired result?

We do have power to participate through obedience, surrender, and prayer. That will is even a gift from God and our very breath was put in us by our maker. But to produce something means we make it move, make it grow, make it become. Certainly we are co-laborers with Christ, but that word labor is not the same as being the source of productivity or having credit for the output of even our own efforts.

Why Is Loving People So Hard?

Do we then not need to make any effort? Certainly not.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Is there anything else that requires all of your heart, soul, and mind? What in life takes more mental, emotional, and even physical effort than loving someone?

If there is any doubt that I am a humble creature dependent on the heavenly Father, all I need to do is walk out my door and try to love my neighbor, or before that, just love my kids and spouse and be present at the level they need me to be. That will humble you instantly if you let it.

The Trophy Room

Many of us men are too needed by our jobs, too important to the world, or too enamored with the person we were or will be, so that we either sit in the locker room licking our wounds or in the trophy room imagining what could be. We are not meant to be alone in either place.

The Other Reason

The other reason for being vulnerable is that ultimately power and efficacy operate through vulnerability. In everything that Jesus said and did he became vulnerable, a servant to everyone. Jesus taught and demonstrated not only what we should do but also how the Kingdom of God works.

There are many examples. Jesus being born of Mary and baptized by John. Jesus’ teachings about the Kingdom of God. It is like a seed. It has to die and when it breaks open even the tiniest mustard seed becomes like a tree.

The Kingdom of God is like a farmer who scatters his seed. Farmers don’t keep saving the seed or eat it. They release it to its fate and much of it never sprouts, is choked out, withers, or is snatched by birds. That’s another act of vulnerability by an all-powerful God.

The Kingdom is like a master who invites everyone in the streets to his great banquet and another master who entrusted his investments with three servants.

Buying the Field

It’s like a man who finds a treasure in a field, then quickly reburies it and sells everything he owns to go and buy the field.

This is the key. True humility comes from costly vulnerability. It will cost you all of your pride, every bit of the self-made mentality. If we want the power of God to be effective in us it costs everything, but we gain a priceless treasure and the only cost is everything we have.

The treasure is worth much more than the price. The Kingdom of God is the Messiah crucified on a cross asking for our forgiveness while he suffered.

The Treasure Isn't a Trophy

I still want the conviction of Lincoln, who didn’t even get to see the country reunited before he was shot, and I marvel at the calling of Moses, who after leading an ungrateful people in the desert for 40 years did not get to enter the promised land. But more than that, I have begun hoping that he will make me truly his humble servant. I would like to be a tool that is form-fitted to his hand.

God, would you apply me just at the right time, in the right place, and in the right amount to accomplish your will? By your strength I’ll continue to go where you want me to go and do what you want me to do. I’ll add to that, for as long as you need.

I feel like I’m done trying to create the treasure in my life from my own effort. I’ve found the treasure in you, Jesus. Allow me the courage to take everything I own and buy the field.

Even part of me wants bragging rights for being “totally surrendered,” but I’m learning that the treasure isn’t a trophy, it’s your pleasure.

Teach me to see with your vision. Help me to handle people with your gentle care. Enable me to speak with Holy Spirit boldness. Amen.